Haven’t posted a personal triumph in a couple of weeks so lets get personal

Today I was scheduled for the dreaded civic duty to server as a juror. Never been part of this because it wasn’t till this past election that I registered to vote. Fuckers locked right on to me and get me to serve the man within a year.

So I woke my sorry ass up . . . well I should say my phone woke me up. I have a serious sleep impediment so I enlisted a few of my local girlies that have to get up for school and work to make sure I was up. Ironed, showered and shaved. Stopped at starbucks and got to the courthouse without the sleep in my eyes causing any horrific accidents.

Passing through the metal detectors causes me to have to go through the fucking airplane search routine . . . to find nothing of course. After my little search I get tossed in with about 50 people to a room and the debriefing begins . . . as well as the fun!

The chick running the show was sexy as hell . . . tiny italian girl that looked stuck up as hell. After we watch our little movie about how to be a good juror we got to sit there . . . she said it would be about 2 hours before anyone gets called. I was pissed . . . my time is too precious to be sitting playing WPT texas holdem on my cell phone. So I mustered up my plan of action to break the ice with her. I knocked on her office door and asked where the vending machines were . . . she was happy to walk me over there. So after some idle corporate like conversation by the vending machines she ends up inviting me into her office to chill. Yackam Shmackum all of a sudden we are going to lunch together. It is about 11:00 and my phone rings . . . it is my pops and he is in town to talk about a new property we are buying. So I was pretty pissed that I am stuck in this courthouse indefinately. I walk back into her office and she hands me a paper. Ends up being a pardon saying that I served my time and could be let out. Then underneath it was a paper with her number on it. She told me to get out of there and to call her when I get back in town!

So what did we learn here . . .
1.) a lifesaver can go a long way
2.) make the best of every situation
3.) the goverment rocks as long as you are fucking it . . . literally (in my best del voice)

Well I finally got my friends over at Bedroom Sports to help me start up a sex store for everyone here at Naughty Empire. You can find it over at http://store.naughtyempire.com/

Basically we have pretty much anything you ever need for the bedroom . . . from dildos to condoms to clothing. I guess every day now I will start posting some of my favorites so you can start opening your horizons a bit more.

In the meantime be sure to head over there - Naughty Empire Sex Store

So this dude over at College Humor decided to break down the steps of hooking up with a fat chick . . . and boy is it pretty fucking funny. I believe this is a must read for any true wingman . . .

Do your friends respect you too much? Is it your turn to “take one for the team?” Do you know what “slumpbuster” means? Then, my friend, you’re going to have to fuck a fat chick. Be careful, though; the road is filled with danger and pizza. You’re going to need a game plan, so trust a seasoned pro. I mean, uh, I had a friend write this. Because I would NEVER… uh… here you go.

STEP 1: Mental Preparation- The first, most important step is realizing what you’re about to do: Engage in dirty, dirty sex with an unattractive chick of at best mild acquaintance (NO friends; they know where to find you). It’s not going to be pretty, and chances are pretty good that you will not, ahem, finish. So why would you ever put yourself through such torture?
STEP 2: Be Pretty- I know, I know, why do they deserve to get a guy who put in the 10 minutes to put on slacks and a collared shirt? They don’t. That’s the whole point. You’re a bonus! You’ve got to sweep her off her feet, or at least get a severe hernia trying. Just do your hair or something. Whatever. Don’t worry too much about the clothes, but slobbing it only brings the night to an early (more merciful, yes) end.

So we added a new site to our stable . . . Thugs and Juggs. Basically what we tried to do is take 2 really popular areas of porn, big tits and interracial and fused them together to make Thugs and Juggs. We are talking 100% real, all-natural tits that bounce up and hit the bitch in the face when you are hitting her from the back! Mixing these wholesome white girls in with a bunch of ghetto ass thugs really made these bitches do things that they probably wouldn’t have done back with Billy Bob at the ranch.

Anyhow - like always let me hit you with some free samples and shit that might make you want to join! Lets start it out with some movies . . . how about this brunette bitch with big tits getting slammed in true Thugs and Juggs style. Then we can jump over and check out a titty fuck and a blowjob at the same time. I think this chick may be the hottest we shot so far . . . all natural big titty interracial movies that you can only get at Thugs and Juggs.

Naughty Empire pics from Thugs and Juggs

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I am not sure why it took me so long to figure this out . . . but Canada has some smoking hot poon tang up there. All this while I thought they were just moose humping, wierd talking . . . hippies. Well there is hope . . . at least for the western part of Canada! Yes the frenchy east still bothers the shit out of me.

Anyhow . . . enough of my worldly views - back to canadian pussy! So my buddy up there in Vancouver has been telling me about this new hottie teen he has been shooting . . . words mean nothing in this situation. So d-day is upon us and her site just launched . . . this cute teen goes by the name of Madison Summers. This chick really suprised me by being a natural looking model . . . which are few and far between in the solo girl world. She doesn’t have massive tits and her ass could use a little work but she has a genuine quality about her in her pictures and movies. Madison Summers has taken a quick jump to the top of my list of favorite girls in the business. So lets see what kind of free pics and videos I can whip up . . . how about Madison Summers in a black thong. Her eyes and hair must have something to do with it all . . . I dig the streaky straight hair . . . or how about these pictures of Madison Summers starting to get naked . . . yum yum

Naughty Empire pics of Madison Summers

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You have worked hard the last few weeks. Well my grasshopper….. We have mastered the 5 sounds, you have improved your career with the inter-office pre-marital inter-digitation rollout. You are now ready for the next level of advancement.

Before we take the next step it’s time for a short commercial break from our sponsors. Take a rest this weekend; reflect on what was and what could have been. Crack open a cold one and spend some time catching up on things that have been neglected. Watch some TV. Catch up on a few DVD’s. Sometimes the best weekends are the ones that are unplanned. If something happens to pop off then go for it but don’t go looking for it.

Let me pass on a story of inspiration. Have you ever had a weekend where you go looking for some action only to strike out? Well I had one of those. I got frustrated and called it a day and as I was driving home when I stopped for a bite to eat. There was a cute girl sitting there and I happen to start a conversation.

I had no intentions and figured maybe I will at least end the evening with some good conversation. I asked her what she gets into and she said “Everything”. I asked her if she was into anything tonight and got a quick “No, not yet” response. At that point I saw a window and I took it. I had nothing to loose so I just came out and did what any Naughty Empire fan would do. I looked at my “What would Lee Do” bracelet and turned to her and said, “Are you up for something a little different tonight? Because I got a new high end camera I am interested in trying out…lol” As we have learned from our teachings, I figured worse case scenario I had fun asking as she says no and tells me to go to hell.

Well, on the contrary. Apparently she likes taking photos lol. Someone must of told her she had model potential because she couldn’t wait to strike a pose. Next thing you know I am enjoying my burger and fries and she is gobbling up on desert. Fun was had, pics were taken and I got a great return on my $6 for dinner and my $7 for the camera. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, That great new camera I wanted to try was a disposable lolol. She got over that though because she shared her slice of paradise before we got to our destination so all was good. So for $13 I ended up having a great time.

So the moral of the story is this…. Sometimes you can get what you’re looking for without actually looking for it. So if it wiggles smack it, if it smiles, pinch it and if it invites you back to the crib for some high priced model portfolio photos with a cheap disposable camera then say sure…. What do you have to loose and more importantly “What would Lee Do?”

Put that in your pipe and smoke it while you marinate on my story of inspiration. We will catch up next week. I have some photos I need to go develop….. Peeaaccee Out!!!!

So my boy Dee hits me up to let me know he is launching his new site . . . Big Black Pimp - so of course I gotta pass the info down to all of you! At first look Big Black Pimp looks like a normal interracial site . . . however the name sank in and I watched a couple of the free movie clips and bam . . . this dude is a fucking pimp with a 15″ black cock - and on top of all of this . . . these white bitches are hot.

So anyhow . . . here comes the free samples for you guys . . . Alexandria likes to ride that black cock for days . . . Then you got Karen getting schooled in these big black pimp pictures. Then to top it off I bring you some Big Black Pimp movies of some white slut . . .

Well I can’t really tell if this is Jenna Bush, daughter of the W, or not . . . But just to make my day I am gonna think it is and show you guys some pictures of the hottie of a daughter Dub has.

It looks like Jenna Bush was at the beach trying to change into her bikini on the sly by sliding her panties down under her skirt . . . well . . . enter Jenna Bush Upskirt! You have to lift those legs up at some point darling . . . and sure enough you get a shot at Jenna Bush’s . . . bush!

My take the Jenna Bush upskirt pictures is that she needs to hit that shit with come clippers before she heads to the beach . . . but hey . . . some like it hairy!

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I guess this would be a deal on porn . . . there really aren’t too many free trials out there when it comes to really good porn sites . . . even more so when they are really good solo teen sites. But anyhow . . . my buddy Jason just launched a new solo teen site for his girl Cute Lucie. So I thought I would throw her a bone and get her some eyes. This chick is kinda wierd looking if you ask me . . . totally cute but I can’t tell whether she is 18 or 29.

Of course I will bring you some free shit from her site . . . lets start with her Barely Legal VS Cute Lucie naked . . . see what I mean - one second she is pretty young looking then the next minute she is just some nude teen getting naked for you.

Off to do some real work . . . oh by the way . . . Cute Lucie is good friends with Cute Kim . . .

Well well well . . . stumbled upon Busty Christy last night and decided that she deserved some special attention . . . as most chicks do. Anyhow . . . Christy has some pretty massive titties and it seems she really likes the attention of other females. From initial observation those boobs are real and all natural . . . I am sure I will see her around one day and I will get the official test results - if ya know what I mean!

Anyhow . . . lets see what I can show off - how about Busty Christy and some other chick getting down in the resturant. Better yet Christine Young and Busty Christy in the car or Busty Christy in a lesbian naked orgy

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It has been a strong week for you my grasshopper! You are progressing down the path of enlightenment well. As you fine tune your inner 5 sounds we move on to phase two.. Strength in your career is Level 2. A wise man once told me “He who works hard should play hard”. Well we’ve been playing pretty hard so now it’s time to focus on the workplace.

Let your boss know that you have a revolutionary new concept that will raise productivity, boost moral and make you a shining star. Tell him you have invented a new model of employee track development. It’s called “inter-office-premarital-interdigitation” and it’s genius. Basically if you break it down to it’s most fundamental points what it states is that we should all bang our co-workers J These are the reasons why this is a good thing.

1) Next time someone needs to be told something and you’re not sure just how to word it…. Just say it! You have already done it! And there is nothing to hide. You have seen there “O” face! They have taken it right in the eye before!! This will increase efficiencies and open lines of communication in the workplace.

2) You will find yourself working harder because you want to get your shit done so you can go flirt with the person you’re either plugging or planning on plugging. Work will get done faster, you will work more hours and you will be more relaxed.

3) Nooner’s will become more commonplace. Setting the tone for a very open, relaxing second-half after lunch. This helps the day role along much better allowing you to focus on other things.

4) If you’re a real performer and you have been working the office, you might find yourself getting that raise and/or promotion you always wanted. This will build your confidence allowing you to try things at the office and make suggestions that could help the company in ways you would never have thought of doing before.

5) Last but not least….. It’s just plain fun to know that you’ve banged some of the people in your office. After a long hard day at work, you think briefly, chuckle and then go home.

There are more reasons why you should try these new concepts and spread the word. And don’t worry, you can always shoot me questions if things get tricky and you need some advice. I hope this will grow into a nice little feedback column where I can actually help point you people in the right directions.

And remember, you can make a difference! You can make this world a better place One office sex scandal at a time! When in doubt, hit me up and refer to your imaginary “What Would Lee Do” bracelet. It will show you the way……….. Peace out… It’s time for lunch and I am going to have a nooner with my co-worker while we discuss my project responsibilities